My dream starts out with me being some kind of radioactive monster hunter. They are very dangerous monsters but I’m immune to to the radioactivity.

I get a call from ███ who says her friend’s sons are hiding a monster in their garage. Mom joins my team of just me and we get a ride with ███ to the place where the monster is.

███ goes in her friend’s house and talks to her. She uses the guise of needing to get a new cat to distract her. Mom and I search the yard which is huge. It’s a mix of ███’s yard and the ██████████’ yard. It’s covered in junk.

We search all around and I can feel the radioactivity in certain spots. We chase it and somehow David Bowie dressed as Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle comes into play. There’s a huge part of the dream that I forgot. It’s some kind of sentimental part.

I remember a part with a beautifully lit section of a wheat field that goes on and on forever like an ocean. The wind is blowing softly and I’m standing at the edge of the field on a rock. I’ve had this scene in my dreams before.

There’s some point in the dream where I find out that the monster is a badly drawn Pokemon named Metaclose who is an electric type Pokemon.

A man dressed like an old west sheriff meets us at a triangular shaped shed beside the house. He says he hears the sound of electricity. Mom hears it too but since she’s not into Pokemon, she can’t tell if it’s the monster. The sheriff peels back some of the siding and I listen in. It’s very obviously a Pokemon sound.

“Yeah, that’s it,” I say.

We walk to the other side of the shed with a door and mom draws her gun. “I’ll take it down,” she says.

I open the door and mom shoots six times at the sparking, weird Pokemon. She stops and I hear a male voice say, “Oh please, do you really think that’s going to stop it?”

Mom and the sheriff vanish and I walk in and see two nerdy middle aged white dorks, an older black woman, Metaclose and a teeny tiny baby with a large afro in Metaclose’s paws. The woman is crying and saying, “Please save my baby.”

I ask what’s going on and the two dorks tell me that Metaclose’s radiation has healing powers. The baby, who’s only the length of a 6 month fetus yet fully developed, is terribly sick. Metaclose is holding her a certain way as not to touch part of her head. Apparently, she has an infection under her scalp that’s so painful, she cries every time it’s touched.

I ask the nerds how they created Metaclose. They take me to the more triangular side of the shed and show me how they write the pokemon’s name on a piece of plywood with spray paint and crudely draw the body. This brings it to life.

I ask how they destroy it. They argue between whether they have to throw it in a wood chipper or clean/cover the paint.

Metaclose is done and goes outside to be with cats like Rocky. I hold the baby. Her mother is crying because she’s afraid the baby will die. She’s a very cute baby, too cute to be real.

“Now, about the treatment,” one of the dorks says to the women, “you are not to tell a single soul about this, understand?”

“Yes. Thank you so much! I’ll only come back if she needs another treatment!” she replies.

I forget some parts of the dream and then it cuts to going home. Dad is reading the paper. I try to tell him about the operation.

“Did you hear about the monster raid?” he asks as he holds up the paper that has photos of the inside of the shed.

“Dad, I was there,” I reply.

He goes on to talk about the details he read and I try to tell him about what really happened but he keeps cutting me off. “Dad, let me tell you what happened!” I keep saying.

The dream ends with me banging my head against the table in frustration.

notes: why the fuck did david bowie come up in so many of my dreams? and minecraft? and victorian stuff and aliens? i can explain those last two, but still. shit.