6/18/2026

in keeping up with the mood diary, i've become hyper aware of how i feel, both mentally and physically, at all times. before, i managed to ignore everything and go about my day normally. i can't do that anymore, and i don't know if that's a good thing.

yesterday was hell. i felt like a shell of a human and time dragged. normally, an 8.5 hour shift goes lightning fast as long as i keep busy. yesterday, i did the same amount of work, and it felt like the clock barely moved. any other day, fixing a table of folded shirts would be done in an hour, maybe two depending on how many distractions i had (it's a big table with a lot of shirts that people love to destroy.) i looked at my phone and 45 minutes hadn't even passed by the time i was done. the same goes for every other duty i preformed. on top of it all, my energy drained every passing minute and my heart would start racing randomly.

by 5pm, i felt like i was ready to pass out. 6.5 hours had passed but it felt more like 24. i went up stairs and asked my manager if i could leave early. dolly parton bless that woman, because she said she would change my schedule to whenever i clocked out to avoid another point, i just had to wait for my next coworker to come in first. he was 15 minutes late coming in from his full time job, and those 15 minutes legit felt like an hour.

the worst part about all this is, i was going at a slower pace thant i normally do, but i got just as much if not more done than usual. i guess that just means i can relax a bit more at work.

even when i got home and even in sleep, time crept on slowly. i struggled to fall asleep around 11pm, and woke up around 2am. i thought i had been asleep for six hours. i fell back asleep, woke up around 7:30am (late for me) and felt like I had been asleep for twelve hours. on the bright side, i feel rested for the first time in years.

i think this is all a strange symptom of my pmdd. or maybe this is what time is supposed to feel like, not a blur as it usually is. it's the same today. time is moving so painfully slow. but maybe this is a good time to clean, write, draw, and spend time with my daughter. i wonder how much i'll get done.